For the first time, I allowed this pain to get to me yesterday. Not one part of me doesn't hurt. All my joints, my groin, my hands, my legs, my hips, my chest. A constant nagging aching sometimes burning pain.
It isn't severe. When it is severe and I can hardly walk I can cope. I take pills, I rest a lot and I know it will pass.
However, this pain does not pass. It hasn't in years. It is there always. Pills don't releive it. It slows me down. It annoys me. Mostly I can and do distract myself-hence all the knitting and dog grooming!
Last night, though, I allowed my thinking to wander way past my usual limit. I started to think about the future. That scared me. I do not think ahead. I learned very quickly when I realised this deisease was here to stay and so was the pain, that I would have to really keep my thinking to within short spans. Why? Because the idea that I might have another 40 years of 24/7 pain is not a happy idea. It is quite horrifying. So I don't think about it.
I remain grateful for the life I have. I do everything I can and want to do, no matter how I am feeling. Dog shows, knitting, grooming -I do what I want to do and do not let my body dictate to me. Okay, I am not totally stupid and do make concessions-like the wheelchair and my sticks. Well, without my sticks I'd fall over anyway!
I still think this pain is so much easier to deal with than the emotional torment I lived with all those years.
I take co-codomol and diclofenac or ibrprofen and codiene on its' own. I only take these when I really really need to and for dog shows. I also have tramadol but to be frank have never taken them as I am scared to do so. They are a more heavy duty pain killer.
I don't really know where I was going with this post. Perhaps I was hoping for some insight to come. Maybe just having a moan will help.
I'm not willing to let this go...
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Knitting is still going on, but I've lost of bit of the mojo. It's OK I
always get it back and I highly doubt it won't this time as well. I am
t...
5 months ago
3 comments:
Hi Colin
Sometimes having a moan does help. I sympathise cause I get pain most days but not as bad as yours.
I think as we get older we think about the future more and that is scary. The prospect of never getting better is not nice but as you said most of the time you cope with it.
I just take one day at a time. When it is a bad day I knit or read. On good days I do the housework - groan :-) Mind you I prefer the days when I can sit and do what I want so maybe there are some compensations.
Thinking of you and hope you will have some better days soon
Pam
Hi Colin,
As a chronic pain sufferer, (a victim of back surgery that didn't go so well) I agree with you that sometimes one must moan about it for a while. I always feel better afterwards. I usually do it in my live journal, so that I don't bore my family.
Knitting, reading, music, and petting my kitties also help.
I too suffer with constant pain, so understand what you're on about. And I've just turned 36 and don't look ahead either, it's just too scary. I don't want to think about where I'll be in the future and to be honest, it takes all my energy to handle where I am at the moment.
On a more positive note, Do you have a pain clinic you can be referred to? Amazingly I have found the consultant at the one here to be really helpful and, although I still have good days, bad days and some inbetween, the pain and medication is much better managed now than it was. And best of all, they take you seroiously and don't just tell me to 'get out and take my mind off it'. I do get out and have plenty of things I could do-it's just dealing with the frustration when the pain's too bad that I struggle with!
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